1. Talk to them
This sounds simple but when I say talk to them, I mean have a conversation. Ask how they are doing. Ask them what they want to do now. Not when they are grown up but now. Invite them to the conversation table. Get to know your child.
Often parents treat kids as incompetent. Not in a malicious way but from a sense of undeveloped maturity. We feel children are unable to comprehend complex concepts or adult conversations. This is not the case. My son, who struggles with behavior, is more receptive and cooperative when I give him the floor and let him tell me how he feels.
When we are in the car, I ask him probing questions like if you could choose between flying or breathing underwater what would you choose? If my husband and I are having a conversation and he asks a question about a word or what we are talking about I answer him. I don’t tell him to mind his own business or don’t worry about it. Remember they are people with personalities and aspirations. I value his opinion even at five. I want him to share with me now and always.
Don’t cut their curiosity off before it has even sprouted. If you don’t want them to ask questions maybe that particular conversation should be had in private.
2. Have a Special Ritual
I sing. I know. I know. This isn’t for everyone, but it is something special I do for my children that makes them smile and giggle every morning. I wake them up by singing, “Good morning. Good morning. Good morning to you. Good morning [Mr. or Mrs. Child’s Name]. Cock-a-doodle doo. Good morning to you.” I do it with a smile and hug.
Don’t want to sing? That’s okay. It could be a cool handshake. Fun game. Just something special that no one else does. They remember those moments. The gesture may feel small. The impact is immeasurable.
3. Apologize
This one is hard. I hit my limits and snap sometimes. I don’t want to be the yelling mom or the angry mom. I don’t think any of us do. The reality is life is hard. Just like our children we have big emotions.
If you know you are in the wrong apologize. I make it a point to get down to my son’s level and look him in the eye to tell him I am sorry. My reactions are not his fault. I own that. I am responsible for my actions. I tell him I love him and hug him. I tell him sometimes I need space too and I will do better next time.
This will not only bring you closer but teach your kids conflict resolution, accountability, and how to talk about their emotions.
4. Spend Time with Them
Spending time with your babies should not be an after thought. They are only young once. If you are busy, then schedule time with them. Put your phone down. Better yet, in the other room.
My daughter is one and my son is five. We hang out together and separately. Most nights either my husband or I will put my son to bed. We will lay there and talk to him about whatever he wants. It is his time with us. Sometimes he tells us about his day, makes up a story, reads a book or we just snuggle. He loves it. These are also times when he shares things he typically wouldn’t because it is one on one time. He has told me about school bullies or how he felt earlier in the day.
My daughter is a little different. Since she is still so little she demands a lot of our time. Often, we make it a point to hold her while we do things or encourage her to help. She loves to feel included. Now she come in a hurry when she hears me open the wash machine to do laundry. She thinks putting clothes in there is a game.
Win-win!
5. Teach Them Something
Remember memories last forever. I love teaching my son about cooking and gardening. My husband teaches him about homesteading, tools, hunting, and anything mechanical. I know those skills will serve him well in the future. More importantly, I know those experiences will leave lasting impressions on him.
When I was little my grandma cooked with me. Now that she is gone every time I cook I remember her. Every weekend I make my kids eggs in a basket. Which is the first thing she taught me to cook. My son requests it for breakfast constantly and he can make it. It makes me smile thinking about where the tradition originated.
I was a little girl in my “fancy” silk nightgown missing a few teeth at grandma’s house. Perched on a chair in front of a gas stove trying my hardest not to burn the bread. Grandma would stand there with words of encouragement. No one can take that away.
Now my son is the little boy on the chair in front of the stove. Before us my grandma was the little girl on the chair. It will always be a special time for our family.
Think about what you are good at or what you enjoy and include your little.