Chronicle of a Tired Mama Part III; Burnout

They say if you play with fire you’re going to get burnt. 

My recommendation is don’t get burnt.

I am in my 30s with two young kids and a demanding career. One child has special needs and the other is in her terrible twos. Days are composed of shuffling from the daycare, school, office, specialist appointments, and client meetings with a sprinkle of dental and doctor’s visits. 

I prayed every day, “dear God don’t throw a wrench today. I am hanging on by a thread”.

Homecomings are greeted with piles of laundry, a mountain of dishes, and guilt of not cleaning to spend time with the kids. Then feeling guilty for not spending time with my kids and cleaning. Weekends are catching up on bills, groceries, more cleaning, etc. I am on a rollercoaster I cannot get off.

It is a whirlwind of chaos.

Work was out of control. My brain was foggy and I began to feel physical pain. 

This is when I knew I needed it to stop.

I was on the couch on a Sunday morning snuggling with my kids. Then…

My lips go numb.

My heart races.

I begin to panic.

Am I having a heart attack?

What is happening to me?

This was a turning point. Up until then, I had been suffering from massive headaches on the left side of my head and dizziness that I chalked up to stress. However, this was something I could NOT ignore.

This was the beginning of a string of relentless panic attacks. So I visited my doctor to check my blood pressure. Pass with flying colors.

She sits me down sternly. She talks about destressing and medication. I rebuttal. She insists on counseling, which is usually 6 months out. She gets me in the next week.

I agree.

This is how my burnout transpired. I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

Why am I telling you this? 

To let you know it is okay to not be okay. No one is going to give you a trophy for “getting it done”. I am beyond excited that mental health is not a taboo topic anymore but I want you to understand you do not have to have an official diagnosis to go talk to someone.

During this period, I slept maybe 3 hours a night. I started losing things. Forgetting important things. Snapped at my husband and kids. I cried and developed depression. I fought constantly with my husband. I started becoming a person I did not recognize.

Reclused and became resentful.

I love my life but this point made me question everything. I was in a DARK place. I am still recovering and have not completely solved my burnout but have made a conscious effort to heal and take control of my situation.

See here How I am Recovering from Burnout.

Please remember you are human. Humans need to rest.

This is a reminder to love yourself.